Cuarón is a genius. This was epic. 
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2. In case you missed it, I’ve changed my foolish ways and decided, after 13 years, to watch the Harry Potter films. Three weeks ago I watched the first one.
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Read my recap of the Philosopher’s/Sorcerer’s Stone if you haven’t already.
3. Two weeks ago, I followed that up with Chamber of Secrets, mostly because it’s the second one.
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Well, duh.
4. This week, I watched and live-tweeted everyone’s favourite film of the series. Here’s what I thought.
Daniel Dalton @wordsbydan Follow
A month ago I"d never seen a Harry Potter film, now I"m watching Prisoner of Azkaban for the first time. Let"s do this! #finallywatchingHP
5. Ooh, new title style.
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Suh fancy.
6. The film opens with Harry, now 13, under the covers playing with his wand.
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As you do.
7. Meanwhile, Uncle Richard Griffith’s sister, Marge, comes to visit. She’s not particularly nice.
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“Where’s Gary? Playing with his wand, I bet.”
8. “It’s Harry, Harry Potter.”
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“It’s in the fucking title. Gosh.”
9. Marge trolls Harry like he’s a woman on YouTube.
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“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.”
10. Which makes Harry all angsty.
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Suh angsty.
11. He destroys her brandy snifter with his mind.
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That’s the proper name for a brandy glass, kids!
12. Then he blows her up like Violet Beauregarde, only less purple.
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Bloating is a real issue. If you have any of these symptoms, please see a doctor. Or at least stop eating bread.
13. Despite Uncle Richard Griffith’s best efforts, Marge floats up into the stratosphere and dies shortly after.
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RIP Marge.
14. Because he’s a teenager, Harry kicks his desk.
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“Lousy inanimate object!”
15. He decides he’s had enough of this Muggle shit, and runs away. He gets as far as the kerb.
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Teenagers.
16. Thankfully, the plot made allowances for this kind of rebellion, and the Knight Bus comes to get him.
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Knight Bus! #iseewhatyoudidthere #finallywatchingHP
18. Harry tells the Knight Bus conductor that he’s on the run from the law, for murdering Marge.
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“Murder? Cool, you must be Harry Potter.”
19. The conductor tells Harry about the escaped convict, Sirius Black, because plot.
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“He’s a murderer. Like you!”
20. “Yes but what I really want to know is… why so Sirius?”
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Lol.
21. That joke is so bad the driver slams on the brakes and kicks Harry off the bus.
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PSA: Wear your seatbelt, kids.
22. Harry finally gets to The Leaky Cauldron, where IAN GODDAMN BROWN is hanging out reading a well-worn copy of A Brief History of Time.
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Best. Cameo. Ever.
23. For some reason a hunchback tries to give Harry bread.
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“No thanks. Bloating is a real issue, you know.”
24. The Minister of Magic is at The Leaky Cauldron. Harry thinks he’s going to be punished.
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“Why, if I punished every wizard who murdered someone, Azkaban would be full. To say good job on a murder well done, I’ve bought all your school books for you.”
25. “Crime does pay!”
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Yes. It pays in books.
26. Ron and Hermione arrive.
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#EnunciateThis
27. Ron’s dad tells Harry to watch out for Sirius Black. He does this for plot reasons.
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Cool poster, bro.
28. “Promise me you won’t go looking for Sirius Black.”
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“I’m not kidding, Harry.”
29. “OK, I promise, but why so Sirius.”
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Lol.
30. “You are literally the worst. Never talk to me again.”
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Strike 2.
31. They board the train to Hogwarts, where Hermione entertains the boys with some freestyle enunciation.
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“Destroy the patriarchy!”
32. The film looks stunning, by the way.
Daniel Dalton @wordsbydan Follow
Loving the look of this one. Cuarón is a genius. #finallywatchingHP
33. But the train stops. And shit gets dark.
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“There’s something moving out there. And I don’t mean emotionally.”
34. “You don’t think it could be…”
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“I mean it couldn’t, could it? It couldn’t be them?”
35. This is still a kids film, right?
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I’ll be behind the sofa. At your house.
36. “Dinosaurs!”
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“Jeff Goldblum tried to warn us, but we wouldn’t listen!”
37. “Boy, I hate being right all the time.”
Universal Pictures.
Thanks, Sassy Jeff Goldblum from Jurassic Park.
38. BREAKING: Def not a dinosaur.
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“Oh, hai guyz.”
39. “Ooh, are you Harry Potter?”
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“Give us a kiss.”
40. “Quick, flare your nostrils at it!”
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Surprisingly, this isn’t working.
41. At this point David Thewlis turns up to save the day.
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“Pow, right in the kisser!”
42. Harry faints.
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“What. Was. That. Thing?”
43. “It was a barber, Harry, you and Ron are in desperate need of a haircut.”
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“Lol just kidding. It was a Dementor, searching for Sirius Black probs.”
44. “Did anyone else faint?”
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“These pot brownies are really good, fyi.”
45. “No, I felt weird though, like I’d never be cheerful again.”
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“Kind of like travelling on the Central Line at rush hour.”
Daniel Dalton @wordsbydan Follow
Hogwarts! Within 25 mins. A new record. #finallywatchingHP
47. Gambondore introduces everyone to the new teachers.
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“I’d like to welcome Professor RJ Lupin, who is totes not a werewolf, honest.”
Daniel Dalton @wordsbydan Follow
Thewlis is the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher. Third in three years. I smell a theme! #finallywatchingHP
49. Gambondore also introduces a ban on hair products, which does not go down well in some circles.
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“Potter. Potter! Is it true that you’ve got a supply of hair gel?”
50. Harry, Ron, and the some of the other boys experiment with drugs.
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“I can’t seem to stop grinding my teeth.”
51. “Guys, is there steam coming out of my ears?”
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“No, Harry, you’re tripping balls.”
52. By the way, Hogwarts looks so MAJESTIC in this film.
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Like the whole film is one big tourism ad.
Daniel Dalton @wordsbydan Follow
Hogwarts it"s legitimately beautiful. Brb moving house. #finallywatchingHP
54. In class, Emma Thompson demonstrates j
Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/danieldalton/why-so-sirius
This Is What It’s Like To Watch “Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban” For The First Time
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